my mom

She is love.

She is kind.

She is patient. I don't know how she does it, but she is the most patient person I have ever, ever known.

She is a lady.  I want to be more like her.

She is my home.  Even as a "grown-up", I find my heart soothed just being in her presence.  A mother's love and soft place to land that I want to be for my own children so very much.

She is beautiful.  And she also doesn't like being told this simple fact because she knows that true beauty begins in the heart.  That makes her even more beautiful.

She is my Jane Austen movie watching companion.  We must have watched Sense + Sensibility and Emma about a hundred times, right mom?

She is the best listener.  She is quick to listen and slow to speak.  I'm learning just how important those qualities are in every relationship.

She is such a sweet Grandma!  I love watching her with our children.  A couple of years ago, she told me that she couldn't bring herself to clean one of her windows that had smudgy Lucy hand-prints all over it and saved it as a sweet souvenir of her beloved grand-girl.  I love that and remember it when I'm trying to put make-up on and can't even see my own reflection through the smudged up mirror.  Someday our mirrors (and everything else!) will stay clean and I know I'll miss it.

She is fun!  I remember her taking us out for ice cream cones after school every now and then.  Not because we asked, but just because. 

She speaks ill of no one.  Ever.  That isn't easy!

She loves Jesus and not just in a religious, go to church, do what you're supposed to kind of way.  When she talks about the love and grace of God, her face is aglow and her smile just radiates that gift of unconditional love.  It's beautiful.

She is my favorite person to shop with.  We have so much fun and she is the best sounding board and my voice of practicality.  I love and need that.

She is my biggest encourager.  In the big and little things.

She is my mom and my friend and the woman I want to be most like.

"There's no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one."

-Jill Churchill

these days

These days I've been thinking about our Lucy starting Kindergarten next fall. She's ready, boy is she ready.  I am too.  No wait, I'm not.  I mean.  I know she's ready and all but my heart fills and breaks at the thought of her busy at school each day.  And the absence of sisterly time, just the girls at home with mama during the day.  This is it.  Will Claire be heartbroken with all of her siblings at school and not getting to go as well?  Or will she raid the good toys and bask in the undisturbed, un-bossy freedom of ruling the roost?

These days I'm watching a lot of old tv series on Netflix.  No joke.  Dawson's Creek, the girls hummed along to the theme song and Lucy would call it Dawson's Creep.  Ha!  Felicity, season two was a snooze/letdown.  Andrew + I have loved watching Revenge (new favorite!) and Alias together as our end of day decompress and get over this crazy cough/sore throat/congestion bug going around.

These days I'm thankful for some really good posts on parenting!  This one and this one are rad.  Rad.  A friend sent me this link about Pinterest stress and it was just what I needed to hear!  "Why are we doing this to ourselves?"  I love it.  Like a big ol' hug.

These days I'm flossing more.  I'm terrible about remembering and actually doing it, truly.  I'm sure it's still not as much as I should, but it's a start.

These days I find myself in the garden section.  This summer we're planting tomatoes, rosemary, basil (almost deader than dead, dang bugs), peas, chives, cherry tomatoes, pumpkins, squash, corn. I don't have a super green thumb, but the satisfaction of watching some of our plants grow and the kids excitement over the changes makes the failures and effort worth it.

These days I've been daydreaming about a bedroom makeover.  I want to make this headboard. Hint hint, lover.

These days I have been menu planning!  Not like, full on, but it's lessened the times I've had to go to the grocery store and that's worth celebrating!  It eliminates so much stress and I know I'm spending less money.  Am I late to the party?  I'm hoping to get it down to just one trip a week.

These days I've been trying to organize and simplify.

These days our boys have become obsessed with Star Wars. Anything to do with Star Wars.  Sticks become light sabers.  They have conversations about I don't even know what.  Lucy tries to impress them with her own knowledge of "Dark Vader" and "Star Wers" and "life-savers".

These days I've been feeling frumpy.  But some days I make an effort and I feel fancy.  Is that normal?  I like to have my fingernails painted and hair curled, but I also like to not wear make up and have adopted a new hair washing method of once a week.  Is that gross?  I guess with my hair it can hang that long with a bangs washing every other day.  I've tried dry shampoo but it's just not the same.

These days I've been thinking about how I need to be exercising.  Mentally, emotionally, physically need it. I just can't get into it.  The other week I slipped and landed on my ankle before I even realized I had fallen.  I'm not getting any younger and I want to somewhat like whatever it is I end up doing.

These days I've been using my iPhone to document the everyday moments of our family.  It's just so convenient!  We were watching videos from a few years back and it's craaaaaaaaazy how much the kids have changed.

These days the girls are both sporting Styles by Mama bangs.  Some days I just love them and some days they feel like a lot of work.

These days we're dreaming of summer break.

when blogging sucks

Oh hey blog, hey.  It's been 5 years of writing-ish!  I've been busy watching the entire series of Dawson's Creek during naptime and am already on season 2 of Felicity. (She just cut her hair crazy short! Nooooo!!!) Blogging has lost its' lustre and become such a chore!  And I feel rude even saying that because I truly love bloggers in general and when I have the need to get nostalgic and/or pat myself on the back at how funny I think I am and read old posts, I go, why have I stopped blogging?!  There's some funny stuff happening here!  I have thoughts!  And my kids are cute!  Plus my husand is hilariously honest and I should post some of that too!

You know what?!  That's mostly why I haven't been posting!  I think of "Julie + Julia" and that line when she's arguing with her husband comes to mind. "But what do you think a blog is?  It's me, me, me day after day. I thought it'd be fun.  How stupid is that?!" Who wants to hear me highlight the super moments of the day?!  That gives a false pretense and I don't want anyone to think we're farting rainbows over here 24/7. Or who wants to hear me vent about the lows?  I've read posts like that and usually just want to eKick someone in the arse and tell them to build a bridge and get over it.  Insensitive?  I'm just being Miley.  I mean, Jessica.  Either way, it's almost always pretty self-centered.

Then there's Pinterest.  It is fantastic and all together terrible for so many reasons. For myself, it feels kind of like high school. She's so popular and her posts are all over The Pinterest! She lives such a glamorous life! Her blog has incredible DIY/recipes/fancy photos/incredible writing/fashion/blog design/everything and anything I say or do is total crap!  Nonsense!  This is not why I do this!  Amen?  The comparison thoughts are such a poison, like women don't have enough to balance and figure out?!  For this reason I wish I was Amish. But even then I'm sure I'd be comparing my quilting squares or inability to kill + pluck a chicken for dinner.

I'm learning to let all that junk go and JUST BE ME!  And let THEM BE THEM!  I'm going to blog again because I like blogging!  I like having a journal and scrapbook of liiiiiiiife!  It's all good stuff!  Even the stuff that's not good.  It's what makes us human and makes us relate and makes us go, Oh!  You get it!  You're not perfect and I get that! Isn't it refreshing to be okay with who we are just as we are instead of comparing and striving to be someone that we just aren't?!  My story doesn't have to be your story and we can rejoice in that and love and build up each other in that! 

There is so much freedom in learning to love unconditionally! And this includes loving ourselves unconditionally!  I don't mean, like, treat yo self and be a diva, but embrace YOU!  God made you who you are and has put you through the things you have been through to be authentically YOU.  No one wants to read a story about perfect, perfect, perfect.  That would be a super boring book to read.  It's the unpredictable, the incredible joy, the unexpected sorrow, the struggle, the mundane details that are always important, the determination, the relationships and so on that tell our story!

Let's tell our authentic story well, yes?  We may never know the heart-prints it might leave.

isaiah 40:28

"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary, and His understanding no one can fathom."

This verse came to my mind and heart this morning as I was making our bed.  Lately Claire hasn't been sleeping through the night.  When she was a baby, that interrupted sleep was something I anticipated as I laid my head down on my pillow every night.  And on the off chance that she would sleep all the night through, or even for just a longer stretch of time, I'd wake up rejoicing at that blessed extra sleep.  We're now in a season of life where late night feedings and diaper changes aren't what wake us up.  It's a four year old not able to fall asleep or having a leg/ankle/neck/head ache.  It's a sip of water or someone needing to go to the bathroom.  Or it's someone not making it to the bathroom and a change of clothes + bedding calling me from my warm, cozy slumber.  Sometimes it's even as simple as covers being kicked off and needing to be re-tucked in.  It's almost a guarantee each night that one of the kids will need tending to in some way.  And lately Claire has been tip-toeing her way down the hallway to sleep in our bed.  She's not the most comfortable snuggle companion.  Far, far from it.  But when I try to take her back to her own bed, she screams and cries her protests enough to wake up the rest of the family.  It's simpler to just let her sleep in our bed and accept the constant back kicking, head butting, and forfeit a good night of sleep than to let her wail. There has been a time or two where I'm fed up enough to take her back in her bed, re-tuck her in, kiss her good-night, and walk away.  Her protests don't usually last for long, but sometimes I think my state of being so tired makes me think that her way will be easiest.  It's not.

All of that to say, a good nights sleep in the last 9 years has been a rare and precious blessing to wake up to. This morning I woke up feeling that feeling like I had slept so incredibly good that waking up made me just a little heartbroken.  Rest is important, so very important.  As a mama, I find myself exhausted in so many different forms that it's hard to accept that I can't keep everything in a perfect balance without something or someone being forgotten.  That's hard to admit.  When I have a day that wears on me emotionally, mentally, physically, and/or spiritually, I know I have nothing good to give back to the ones I love the most.  I need time to rest my mind, heart, body, and spirit throughout each day and sometimes it's hard to find the time to do so.

My heavenly Father doesn't grow tired or weary. I remember those words and am filled with so much comfort.  He will never tire of my questions like I do when Lucy asks every day what we're going to do after we take the boys to school and then what are we going to do and then what are we going to do and on and on.  I love that girl fiercely, but sometimes she makes me feel like I'm a cruise ship director. We don't have a detailed itinerary, my dear.  My Father will never weary of my songs of praise when my heart is troubled like I tire of hearing my boys belt out that Gagnam Style song.  (Worst ever.)  He won't ever get sick of hearing my prayers of a broken heart when someone has hurt my feelings (or worse, when someone hurts the ones I love) like I get sick of hearing our children tattling over who has wronged who.

Being a mama is such a hard job.  But it's also such a rewarding privilege that I don't take lightly.  When I grow tired, there is almost always something that the kids will say or do that blesses my heart and I know is God's way of saying, "Lighten up.  Even in your imperfections, there is good happening here.  Keep striving for the good, learn from the lows, and keep on loving those babies."

And I will strive to every day, Father.  Baggy eyes and all.

trick or treat

The Cookie Baker | Dorothy from Wizard of Oz | The Incredible Hulk | Captain America

*This year our costumes were thrown together more than ever.
*Everyday Lucy wanted to dress up as something different, except for wanting to be a "mommy". I momentarily swooned, picturing her carrying a baby doll + dressed in a froofy Sunday dress, until she explained that she was "going to have toilet paper all over me". Mummy, mommy. Same thing.
*The boys wore Avengers masks that Jack got for his 6th birthday.
*Andrew had the day off.
*School was half day.
*Napping was impossible for Lucy.
*Mama had a serious sinus cold.
*The ladybug costume meant for Claire had tulle. She wasn't a fan + called it "spicy". (I think she meant scratchy).
*Some ribbon + red shoes from a sweet friend + two braids + a pillowcase nightgown turned Lucy into "Dor-fee".
*A homemade Captain America shield from a cardboard box + scrapbook paper.
*Main Street Trick or Treating was advertised as 3:00 AND 4:00 in the afternoon, but at least we weren't running late like we thought.
*Hulk is called "Hook" by the girls.
*Aunty Shannon + Jared entertained our spazzy bunch and gave the kids extra goodies.
*Our small town makes something like Trick or Treat-ing an opportunity to catch up with any and everyone you haven't seen in awhile.
*There was only one stop that made things too spooky, it also made Noah cry. Boo on them!
*There was a serious lack of peanut butter cups.
*We came home sweet home, ate grilled cheese sandwiches + tomato soup, and watched Wallace + Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit.
*And raided the candy buckets.

2011 | 2010 | 2009 | 2008 | 2007

beach camping

Just because I forgot to blog this past summer doesn't mean that it wasn't fun! A couple weeks before back to school, we snagged a last minute cancellation and went camping at the beach and it was all the kids could talk about. They still talk about it. That makes my heart happy and all the effort totally worth it.

Favorite memories? Tiny cereal boxes, the kids crazy excited about the tent + Jack running all over our just made "beds" with his dirt covered feet (it's funny now), the sound of the crashing waves singing us to sleep, a big batch of homemade salsa from our garden tomatoes, the boys inventing things from rocks + seaweed along the beach, Claire insisting that she climb the stairs without any help, roasting s'mores. It's always the simple, little things.

home sweet home

Today I kept the boys home from school. Yesterday afternoon we had a car creepily stop by our house and all around our neighborhood that made me think of those dang robbers. So that, plus my awful sore throat, made me think that a quiet, rainy day at home with my babes was a good idea.

Maybe it's just me, but I think I get my best organizing done when I'm looking my ugliest. Rumpled pajamas, needs to be washed hair in a mess of a ponytail, no bra. It creates this need for cleanliness and order. Either that or I'll watch half an episode of "Hoarders" and I can't not clean our home like a maniac.

I started with the boys room and took all of Jack's too short t-shirts out, he was looking a little Joe Dirt wearing them to school. Then I folded every item of clothes and threw away all the holey undies and set aside the socks that needed mending. Their bookshelf that stores all their toys and books got a good cleaning too.

I did the same for the girls room. I love having nieces and friends babies to send their too small clothes to. It always surprises me how nostalgic an item of clothing can be. How it takes me back to a very specific moment in time with my children.

There's a batch of brownies cooling on the stove-top and a big ol' pile of clothes that have been needing my attention for awhile. There have been a few bumps in the road over the last 24 hours, but when it's all said and done, I'm grateful. So very grateful.